-- Best line of the entire football season: Coach Jon Gruden was asked how drastic the turnabout season was and he replied, "That's up to people who measure drasticity. You'd have to ask a drastician" ... Colts' Nick Harper, the guy who picked up Steeler Jerome Bettis' fumble in the last 90 seconds of their playoff game, reportedly was stabbed in the knee during an argument with his wife the day before ... Santana (Moss) Claus sure delivered for the Redskins this year! ... Bills' owner Ralph Wilson, 87, introducing Marv Levy, 80, as the team's new GM: "I'm very proud to bring some youth into this organization" ... Did you know Hall of Fame QB Joe Namath threw 47 more career interceptions than touchdowns? Who did the voting?
-- The nation's #1 recruit and offensive high school player of the year, QB Mitch Mustain, was asked if any high school players were ready for the NFL? He quickly shot back, "No, honestly, I'm not even ready for college" ... Sensational Texas QB Vince Young's second choice of colleges was the University of Miami ... O.J. Simpson signed a letter of intent with Utah.
-- Bonnie Caldwell advises that to cure a sick baby, mothers in ancient Egypt would sometimes eat a mouse.
-- Heat coach Pat Riley plans on bringing sumo wrestlers to practice to prepare Shaq O'Neal for the illegal pounding he gets. To keep opponents from leaning all over him, Shaq needs to simply put on a sumo thong.
-- Caltech (a Division III school) has not won an NCAA hoops game in 12 years and two years ago lost by an average of 59 points a game. Two members of their team had a perfect SAT score.
-- Cuba was issued a license by Washington to play in the World Baseball Classics in March--without handing over Osama ... As Frank Robinson, who is black, signed a ball for a young fan, the youngster's dad proclaimed, "Son, you're looking at the greatest third baseman of all time." Frank replied, "You must be thinking of my brother Brooks" (who is white) ... In the '50s there were no baseball card stores. A decade ago, there were 4,500 across the nation.
-- A Louisville gift shop is now selling "Genuine Kentucky Thoroughbred Horse Manure" for $3.75 a bag.
-- Joel Ludvicel, 78, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa recently scored a hole-in-one on a 168-yard hole. What's unusual? He's legally blind.
-- In closing, this from Dave Petrik: A man driving down a highway accidentally hits and kills a rabbit. A woman passing by pulls over and empties a spray can on the limp rabbit. Instantly the rabbit jumps up, hops down the road and every 10 yards stops and waves. The astonished man demands to know the contents of the spray can. The lady then shows him the label: Hair Spray - Restores life to dead hair and adds permanent wave.
(Some of the information in this column was obtained from other news organizations)