-- The Yankees are renting 44-year-old Roger "The Greed Monster" Clemens for four months ($28 mil). His nickname The Rocket may soon be The Rocker. He has told the team if a game conflicts with a TV episode of "Lawrence Welk", he won't pitch (after a start, he usually flies back to Texas for four days). Panicking NY is now pursuing Whitey Ford, 79 ... Sure glad fiery Cubs manager Lou Piniella isn't a waiter, Waterford Crystal salesman or President of the U.S. ... How MLB should celebrate Barry Bonds' historic home run--send a specimen cup to Cooperstown ... Marlins officials were deeply concerned with Miguel Cabrera's weight problems when they discovered him playing third base with a frying pan instead of a glove ... Tigers' controversial Gary Sheffield is now counseling Rays' Elijah Dukes?
-- Kevin Rosdahl gives us a couple of actual ice cream flavors at "Ice Cream City", Tokyo: Raw Horseflesh and Sharks Fin Noodle.
-- Mother's Day is an especially meaningful holiday in the sports world. Pro athletes have, per capita, turned more women into mothers than any other group ... Not surprised at the Mike Vick dog caper. Isn't he the one who taught the Falcons to roll over and play dead? When their offense takes the field this fall, the PA system should play "How Much is That Doggie in the Window?" Though his career is going to the dogs, many admire his bulldog attitude ... Delighted to see the NFL season is finally about here. Police are getting exhausted!
-- Since Bobby Bowden has led the FSU football program, Miami has had eight head coaches and Florida, 7 ... USC, LSU, Texas and Michigan are the college gridiron preseason favorites. If Virginia Tech squeezes by LSU September 8, they could run the table. We like West Virginia to win it all!
-- "Dollar Billy" Donovan's Crocs signature-model "flip flops" are now on sale. He will soon be endorsing Waffle House.
-- A while back, golfer Phil Mickelson looked like he had added a few pounds. Rumor had it he had been marking his ball with Junior Mints.
-- NHL hockey is a great game--if you're a dentist.
-- In closing, Susan Goodwin's poodle recently had two puppies, which she named Rolex and Timex. Guess she wanted them to be watchdogs.
(Some of the information in this column was obtained from other news organizations)