-- Kentucky basketball coach John Calipari's philosophy: "If you want to go far, go together." Yes, and if you want to go on probation, go to Kentucky. For the Final 4, we like West Virginia and Syracuse.
-- Shaq O'Neal, 38, can still drive the lane like he used to, but lately he often forgets where he's going ...The difference between Olympic speedskating and an NBA game--the starting official is the only one in the arena with a gun.
-- The Deer Valley High Wolverines girls hoops team is led by 5'8 Raven Fox. A wildlife grand slam.
-- The Hurt Locker took in only $14 million at the box office. This is probably less than taking your family to a game in box seats behind home plate at Yankee Stadium ... Dodger co-owners Frank and Jamie McCourt have already spent $21 million combined in attorney fees in a divorce disagreement. It cost $23 mil to build the entire Dodger Stadium. Priceless! ... The oldtime Cincinnati Red Stockings took winning so casually that when pitcher Asa Brainard spotted a rabbit on the field during a game, he threw the ball at it as two runners scored ... Phillies slugger Ryan Howard on his 15-lb. weight loss method: "Would you believe Subway sandwiches?"
-- According to Robert Bredeson--per capita, the Irish eat more chocolate than Americans, French and Italians.
-- Actual players' names from this year's college football recruiting class--Ego Ferguson (LSU), Furious Bradley (Southern Miss.), Jose Jose (Central Florida) and our favorite, from Hawaii, Wave Ryder (Navy). The Dolphins are about to sign free agent Richie Incognito.
-- Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez was asked how he'd fight his 300-lb. coach Rex Ryan if forced into the ring: "I'd bring a large pizza to distract him" ... Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger now has a second sexual assault charge. Why is it you don't hear about this sort of thing with other NFL quarterbacks? Big Ben apparently needs better pass protection.
-- I really miss the Winter Olympics. While sweeping my garage last week, I noticed myself bent over and moving the broom in quick, side to side strokes ... Golfer John Daly, a beer-guzzling chain smoker, would make an ideal coach for the Canadian women's hockey team.
-- In closing, Bill Buell's neighbor Nick has stated he's not going to vacuum until Sears makes one he can ride on.
(Some of the information in this column was obtained from other news organizations)