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That's Sports

by T.R. FAHY

-- Tee it up--the gridiron season is upon us! ... Drama queen Brett Favre has inquired about bow-hunting opportunities in Minnesota this fall. Now the elk and deer say they might wait until December before deciding whether they'll show up ... Terry Bradshaw now has a new RV endorsement--guess he wanted to sell something he could spell ... World Cup TV fans have complained about the vuvuzelas horn noise droning on and on and ruining the viewing experience, similar to listening to talkative Jon Gruden during the NFL draft.

-- Cal football recruit Chris Martin has decided to transfer to Florida. Guess he felt being at Cal would have meant too many distractions--like classes ... USC has hired Pat Haden to clean up its athletic department when they found out Eliot Ness died in 1957 ... University of Oregon recently had 6 football players arrested in one month. Perhaps the university has been going too far preparing their players for the NFL.

-- Helen Cullom tells us that in 2006, 570 NFL players weighed 300 lbs. or more. In 1976, there were only 3.

-- A man dressed as a broccoli proposed to his girlfriend after winning a veggie race at a Reading Phillies game. He once asked her to sneak off and get married, but she said, "Sorry, I cantaloupe" ... Cubs manager Lou Piniella, 66, will retire at the end of the season. If the Cubs win the World Series, he might change his mind. Of course, by then he will be well over 100 years old ... Rays pitcher Matt Garza has been spitting less this season. "I'd use the rosin bag, then lick my fingers, then spit a lot last year. I'm not using it as much this year," he explained ... Last week a guy with a Le Bron James Miami Heat jersey showed up at a Cleveland Indians game and was escorted out as a safety concern. Isn't that like showing up at a Cubs game in a Steve Bartman mask?

-- Former NBA star Charles Barkley, to the gallery after driving a golf ball into the water at a celebrity tourney in Lake Tahoe: "Things could be worse. I could be Mel Gibson."

-- Michelle Wie, LPGA golfer and Stanford senior, on whether she made Phi Beta Kappa: "No sorority for me yet, but it's been fun." ... How could Wie suffer from heat stroke at the "Evian" Masters Pro Am?

-- And finally, Billy Ray Bahner claims the economy is so bad, truckloads of Americans have been spotted sneaking into Mexico.

(Some of the information in this column was obtained from other news organizations)

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