The Ticket by T. R. Fahy
Shouldn't Congress have learned from the Nationals' Stephen Strasburg? Shutdowns don't work. Maybe to fix the situation, we should put the Redskins' defense in charge. They can't shut down anyone ... Steelers' DB Troy Polamalu got his first haircut in a decade. His team would rather he agreed to get his first interception ... Lane Kiffen is the Miley Cyrus of college football. The recently fired USC coach is childish and unwatchable ... Did you know college football or basketball coaches are the highest paid public employees in 39 of 50 states? ... O.J. Simpson got busted trying to sneak a dozen oatmeal cookies from the cafeteria inside his prison suit. Soup and sandwich, yes--juice and cookies, no.
-- According to Wild Bill Proctor, hummingbirds and loons cannot walk backwards.
-- Rumor has it Diane Nyad swam from Cuba to Miami accompanied by four deserting Cuban pitchers ... Some reporters have suggested P Max Scherger's 20-3 record should be credited to all that run support he receives. Tiger manager Jim Leyland: "Some people could find a flaw in Bo Derek" ... Sewer lines at O. co Coliseum are repeatedly backing up. New tradition at A's ballpark: The 7th inning stench ... The Cubs may add a mascot that represents the Cubbies tradition. Possible names include Titanic and Hindenburg.
-- In NHL action, we'll take the Penguins over the Blackhawks for the Cup.
-- Heat's LeBron James is honeymooning at an undisclosed location. We can pretty much rule out Cleveland.
-- After police arrested two men who tried to rob a group of people playing Bingo in N.H. Cops became suspicious when they observed a car driving away from the hall going more than 10 mph.
-- In closing, George Wich knows why a woman will never walk on the moon. "She wouldn't know what to wear."
(Some of the material in this column was obtained from other news organizations)